The Oldest and Dearest...

The Oldest and Dearest...

For obvious reasons, I don't normally use the term 'old friends' when referring to friends of long-standing! However, I think this time it is perfectly appropriate because I've been friends with this man for over half a century - in fact, for 55 years!

I first met Alan (Hicks) during the first year of high school. There were, in fact, 5 boys named Alan in our class. We're never sure, but I think he was Alan number 2 and I was Alan number 4. Memories may be a little cloudy here, except we're both certain that neither of us was Alan number 1!! 

                                The Secondary School (High School) where Alan and I were in the same class for 3 years

Entrance to the School 

Alan left school a year or so before I did to pursue his career and became very successful in the shipping world, eventually ending up owning and running his own business before retiring.

Not long after I started working, we met up again and the friendship really took off. We would meet after work, at least once a week,  and he would drive me (and a couple of other friends) to one of the many pubs where we would catch up with what had been happening in the meantime.

Together with a mutual friend, we had our first holiday 'abroad' in Torremolinos, Spain. We certainly built some memories at that time!

I remember playing the organ at his wedding - 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' and 'Ave Maria (Bach-Gounod version) if my memory serves me correctly. I had the good fortune of helping him to move up to Huntingdonshire - and we were recently reminiscing about how we managed to pack everything into one rented cube van. (I think I learned a lot about efficient packing from him!)

I watched Alan become successful in his work and how he built a loving family, with two boys who excelled in tennis and badminton but, more to the point, were both a credit to their parents in the way the carried themselves.

After I moved to Southampton, back in the mid-1970's, we drifted apart a little for a few years, though still kept in touch through birthdays and Christmas cards etc., and an occasional visit.

Years later, after I had moved to Canada and met Mark, I heard that Alan and his first wife had recently separated and I got in touch with him. He came to visit us when we were living in Etobicoke, and it was great to spend time with him and reconnect at a deeper level than before.

Elaine enjoying a refreshing drink with Alan

We visited each other a number of times, on either side of the pond, and it was after he had come over to help me celebrate my 50th birthday that we had a message from him to say that he had met Elaine - the 'future Mrs. Hicks'. It was wonderful to be present at their wedding and to see them both so happy. 

When the law changed, allowing us to get married, Alan and Elaine came over for the week beforehand and Alan stood up for me as one of my witnesses (together with Pat and Marco). We had many laughs that week and we became closer than ever.

Since that time and, with the advance in technology, we have kept in touch via Skype so that we could see each other as well as hear each other. Conversation never runs dry and his sense of humour remains as sharp as ever!!

And so, it was only natural that, when we arrived in the U.K. a couple of weeks ago, it was to Shoebury, Essex, that we first stopped and we had a wonderful few days with him and Elaine on either side of our visit to Paris.

Alan can be just as zany as me!

Alan is one of those people who is the epitome of loyalty and true friendship which has stood the test of time. He has always been there for me and I could always rely on him to pick me up when I needed it. He was there during my early struggles in coming to terms with being a gay man, and - although he didn't fully understand (who of us ever did, in those days?) - he was always supportive of me - and for that, I will always be grateful.

Alan is one of the most positive people that I know and this has been a constant trait of his since I first met him. Even with recent health challenges, his positivity is something to admire and emulate. It means a great deal me to have someone in my life who can remember my teenage years, with all of its ups and downs; who can relate to names and places that make up the tapestry of life in those early days; who knew and loved my mom and dad, and other family members, and can remember some of the funniest and zaniest of stories and join in a little nostalgia now and then.

During my life, I have been blessed with numerous friends who have had a tremendous influence in my life. Mark and I continue to meet new people who enrich our lives and we consider ourselves fortunate to have many friends that are still in our circle.

That being said, Alan is truly my oldest and dearest friend - someone who links my past and present, and whose constancy and loyalty continues to shine among all the changes in my life's journey.

He has my love, my respect, and my gratitude and I am proud to know him.