Are we losing our selves?

Years ago, before Facebook and Twitter (circa 1996), I was encouraged to open an account with ICQ - one of the very first instant chat programs that was exciting the technological world available at our fingertips. It was a novel idea that you could chat back and forth without having to experience delays in the conversation that was inevitable by using e-mail.

At first, I got busy connecting with lots of friends and thoroughly enjoyed this new way of communicating. 

Until...... one day, I saw a post by a young man whom I knew in 'real time'. This individual came across as confident, self-assured, poised, and a lot more mature than I knew him to be in real life.  I knew him to be shy, retiring, and lacking in confidence. He was also a bit of a loner and didn't have many friends. 

My first reaction included a sense of relief that, at least, he could communicate on some level with other people. However, I couldn't explain it, but I felt that something was amiss - something was not real and that he was hiding behind a fantasy of his own creation. This became clearer as I began to notice that his 'friends' were people whom he had not met in real life. 

Wondering where this would lead in terms of building real friendship, I started to feel that this was something that would create a real problem in developing real, mature relationships with others, but hoped that some of his online confidence would overspill into his 'real-time' connections with those around him - that he would develop his online skills so that he could enrich his personal life in the real world. 

As I watched over the coming months, I noticed that he became more withdrawn, and even less likely to start a conversation with anyone around him. Instead of developing healthy interactions, he was becoming more of a recluse, and seemed more and more lonely.

At this time, I abandonded ICQ altogether, and didn't become part of the instant messaging community until a few years ago when I reluctantly opened a Facebook account. As well as the immeasurable benefits of Social Media, I also was aware of the potential effects of having an online presence upon my personal relationships and so I was very careful to continue to develop my relationship skills in 'real time' while connecting more and more with others on line. 

It's relatively easier for an adult to achieve this balance because, by and large, we have already developed the necessary social skills needed to enjoy personal relationships in the real world. However, for those who have not yet developed those skills, or have not been able to practice them, it may not be so easy. Although there may be countless Facebook friends or Twitter followers, our young people may be increasingly lonely in their real life. Substitution on Social Networks cannot be compared to the satisfying ongoing friendships that we can experience - and the personal growth that goes along with those relationships. 

This short video clip explains what could happen to many of us - adult and younger - if we don't find the balance between 'real-time' friendships and online connections. I've noticed that some of my Facebook friends spend a great deal of time chatting and posting..... and then, I reliazed that my own time on these similar activities was increasing. See the video clip here.

Consequentially, I now make a conscious choice when, and for how long, I will be on those sites. I usually have a purpose for being on - to check in with friends, say hello, share a few things, and then log off. The sense of freedom that I experienced told me just how much I had become addicted to the whole culture. 

If we can remember that all Social Networks are only TOOLS - then we can begin to place them in a context where we use them to enhance our lives, rather than allowing them to rule us.

http://happyfitandfree.com/ 

Please Yourself!

How often we fall into the trap of trying to please others!

I grew up with the understanding that if I could please the people around me, this was a sign of success. I would find myself changing my behaviour to match the requirement of the person with whom I was interacting. I told myself that I was ‘keeping the peace’, ‘making people feel good about themselves’, or ‘being flexible’. It did seem to work for a time, but it was exhausting!

This starts very early for most of us. Our well-meaning parents and teachers smile at us when we offer behaviour which they find pleasing; and withhold their smiles when we offer something that is not pleasing to them. We love the feeling of approval when someone flows their love towards us…. and so we strive to repeat the behaviour in order to experience that flow once again. Before we know it, we have fallen into a pattern of being people-pleasers.

I believe it may have been Sir Winston Churchill who once said, 'You can please some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time.... but you cannot please all of the people, all of the time'. I have come to realize that you can't actually please even one person all of the time. 

Different people require different things from us. We find that we have to be willing to ‘jump different hurdles’ to meet with their approval. Problem: when we have mastered one set of expectations, they up and change their requirements!  When we continually accommodate our behaviour in order to make others happy, then gradually, piece by piece, we lose the reality of who we are. We can keep it up indefinitely, but at what cost to our own mental and emotional health and growth?

There is always the hidden dread that we may one day find ourselves in the company of several people, each requiring a different set of behaviours from me, all at the same time, in the same room. How would I react then?

Once I embraced my truth that I had not come in to this life to make the happiness of those around me dependent upon me, I found a sense of freedom. Sure, it meant that I had to give up seeking the approval of others but that, in and of itself, gave me a sense of relief. It also meant that I would sometimes meet with the disapproval of others, but it was more satisfying to live with greater authenticity.

Someone once said to me that other people’s opinions of me is none of my business. Since then, I have heard this advice often, though maybe in slightly different ways. The freedom that comes with developing a sense of self-worth that is not dependent upon the whims and expectations of others is something to be treasured.

I am attempting to incorporate the idea and adopt the attitude that, with regards to people’s comments about me, or my behaviour, ‘Praise and Blame – they’re all the same’.

If I can retain my equilibrium regardless of the conditions around me – including the opinions of my companions on this journey of life – then I will come to know that I don’t have to wait for any conditions to change in order to be at peace within myself. I will be able to maintain the alignment with the best that is within me, and will finally be practicing unconditional love. 

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Solutions 4 U !

Finding the Wonder in All Seasons....

Finding the Wonder in All Seasons

I haven't blogged for a while as we have had a lot of visitors over the last couple of months. So... here goes...

Today, we decided to go for a drive around the Deer Trail - it's about a 3 hour loop starting north of Elliot Lake and ending in Iron Bridge, after which we hit Hwy 17 for the return home. 

Although the leaves have mostly been blown off the trees, there was still so much to appreciate. I just love looking at the leafless trees when they appear as a silhouette against the background of the sky. Each branch and twig can be seen in every detail. The naked trees affords us a better view into the wooded areas that are prolific around here. We get to see deeper into the places where wildlife is active and are often surprised by what appears. 

Today, we were appreciating the small rapids on the Little White River and commenting about how nature is beautiful, no matter what the season. Just at that point, Mark became aware of movement in the corner of his eye, and spotted a black bear on the other side of the river. He stayed there for a few minutes, before disappearing back into the forest. I'm not sure that he saw us as bears have very poor eyesight (though we may have appeared as a couple of shapes to him). Nevertheless, he was no doubt aware of us, using his keen sense of smell. It's funny how that it was not while we were looking out for wildlife that we spotted him, but when we were focusing upon something else that we found pleasing. 

'Bernie' Bear - on the Little White River

It occurred to me that sometimes in other areas of life, when we are wanting something to come into our experience and we keep waiting and looking for it to come, it often eludes our grasp. When we relax, let go, 'go with the flow', and focus elsewhere - especially upon something that gives us pleasure - that's when things come to us. People often tell me that when they have lost something, they only find it once they have given up looking for it. I believe that this is because while we are focusing upon the problem, or the absence of what we want, we cannot be in the vicinity of the presence of what we want at the same time. Once we stop noticing that something hasn't happened for us yet, we allow it to ease its way into our experience. 

As a bonus, we saw also saw two more wolves this afternoon, and I can honestly say that I had a knowing earlier on that this would happen. I'm a happy camper!  And I'm gonna try to relax and let go more often!

Spur of the Moment..... and being in the Right Place, at the Right Time!

Spur of the Moment..... 

......and being in the right place, at the right time!

It was Sunday lunchtime, and we were having a nibble at one of our local restaurants in Elliot Lake when Mark suddenly said, 'It's so nice outside, we should be going out somewhere'. Very quickly, we fell upon the idea of visiting Manitoulin Island - something we had wanted to do ever since we moved here in June. 

Now, it was 2:30 p.m. and it would be at least a 2 hour drive to get to our destination, but we rolled with idea and, after a quick visit back home to collect our energy bars, snacks, and water, we set off. It occurred to me that freedom of time which comes along with retirement is a wonderful thing. I knew that I didn't have to get to bed at a 'reasonable time' because I didn't have to get up early for work the next morning. After all, this was a Sunday! We just did it!

The journey to Espanola is familiar to us, having done it several times over the last three months. However, when we headed south of there on Highway 6, the scenery completely changed. Rocks plunging into lakes at various angles merged with large open spaces giving us a variety of vistas to enjoy along the way. 

Manitoulin is quite a large island, and so we had chosen a particular destination: Bridal Veil Falls. Ever since we had heard about it from those who had been there, it had been placed on our ever-increasing bucket list. 

We were not prepared for just how beautiful it was..... and the small village of Kagawong certainly lives up to its welcome sign: 'Ontario's Prettiest Village'. 

This was to be the first time that we had actually been behind a waterfall and it was amazing - a very different perspective. Although the water was a little cool, if we would have had our bathing costumes, in we would have gone!

After spending some time here, and in the village - where we admired some of the stained glass windows, we made our way south to South Baymouth to see where the Tobermory Ferry comes in. We nearly didn't go there because we were hoping to get back on to the mainland before dusk so that we could continue to enjoy viewing the areas which were new to us on the Island. However, we are so glad we did because it would put us in the right place at the right time... 

On the way back, we witnessed a spectacular sunset - one of those where the cloud formations just add to the overall effect. While stopping to take photos, we noticed a field with hundreds of sandhill cranes milling about. As we moved closer, they began to make noises which are now familiar to us (reminiscent of the veloceraptors in Jurassic Park!) and then took off in flight. Luckily, we had our phone in movie mode and we were able to capture them as they flew right in front of the setting sun!  It was a magical moment. 

We didn't get back to Elliot Lake until 11:30, and Mark was adamant in his desire to download all of the photos and get them posted on Facebook. So, we didn't get to bed until gone 2:00 a.m. - which didn't matter - because it doesn't matter any more!!!

As has been said by so many people, it is the unplanned events that sometimes bring the most joy. Our spur of the moment decision on Sunday was one of those occasions!

Creating the Reality We Want

Creating the Reality We Want

(Composed at camp - August 19th) 

We’re just lighting the campfire at Rabbit Blanket Lake Campground in Lake Superior Provincial Park after another spectacular day. 

Mark lighting the campfire

It started off at 5:00 a.m., when we rose early to head up north of Chapleau to the Game Preserve in the hopes of catching some wildlife as they began to be on the move. We had seen a bear the night before, but no sighting of wolves – either last night, or this morning - though we did catch a wonderful sunrise.

Sunrise in Chapleau Game Preserve

(The next bit may sound a bit esoteric, so please feel free to reinterpret according to your own understanding!)

After breakfast, we left for Wawa taking the highway northwards. It was at this time, I began to realize that I had perhaps not seen wolves because I had mixed my thoughts of hope with thoughts of disappointment and so I decided to tidy up my vibration.

Inside my head, I told myself that I had taken action before doing the vibrational work of getting into alignment with what I wanted. At one end of the ‘stick’ was the presence of wolves, and at the other end was the absence of wolves. I had been vibrating somewhere in the middle so I realized that I could not have rendezvoused with them.

I started to tell the story of what I wanted – as if it had already been achieved. I said to myself, the Universe has absolutely no doubt about what I want, as I’ve been wanting to see wolves in the wild for many years. Therefore, it’s already done – it’s already in my vibrational ‘escrow’ waiting for me to be a vibrational match to it. So, all I had to do was to visualize it as already done, and find thoughts on any subject that would make me feel good, knowing that this would take me right into the vortex where I would rendezvous with my heart’s desire. I decided to share this aloud with Mark.

I had barely finished the sentence, when we turned the corner, and right there, ahead of us, was a beautiful black wolf crossing the road!!!  We did not have the camera ready, and it had disappeared into the bush by the time we arrived at the spot where it had crossed. I HAD SEEN MY VERY FIRST WOLF IN THE WILD!!!!

The Wawa Goose

After a brief visit to the beautiful town of Wawa to replenish supplies,we headed south towards our next campsite at Rabbit Blanket Lake. On the way, we turned the corner on Hwy 17 and fell upon Old Woman Bay. What a fantastic view that was – and with Lake Superior stretching out towards the horizon.

Old Woman Bay
Lake Superior Provincial Park

  

After setting up camp, we took a 10 minute ride back to Old Woman Bay and spent some time jumping the waves, collecting stones, and just having fun! The water was a little cold, but we didn’t notice it after a while. 

After creating an almost perfect day, we’re looking forward to a really good sleep under the gentle sounds of the wind in the trees at our campsite.

Tomorrow, we head south towards Sault Ste. Marie, passing through some amazing vistas about which so many people have told us.

Can life get any better than this? You bet!  The best is yet to come!!

 

Alan - the 'true camper' composing this blog on camp!

36.7 million dollars in the last 11 years...... A Butcher's Story

Quote from my business partner, Jimmy 'the Butcher' Smith:

"This is the only profession I know where you can fail 90% of the time and still become a millionaire!"

David Wood

David Wood, an international money-making expert and success trainer, gets up close and personal with Jimmy as he shares how at 84 he is still living a Kickass Life by helping others do the same. 

After being forced to retire because of an injured back, “Jimmy the Butcher” Smith had earned a grand total of $400.000 for 40 years of work. His wife suggested that he become a crosswalk attendant at a local school and accept the inevitable, that there was nothing out there for an injured 56 year old butcher.

Jimmy 'the Butcher' Smith

Jimmy stumbled across a tape that changed his life and the lives of millions of people! Today he and his two daughters have earned almost 30 million dollars, and last year he paid more in taxes than the president of the United States earned! (August, 2012). 

Over the last 11 years, he and his family have earned in excess of 36.7 million dollars. 

Listen to the full podcast:  Jimmy Smith - the Millionaire Butcher.

(For the actual interview, skip to minute 13).

(Courtesy of David Wood's website: http://www.thekickasslife.com/)

Putting Ourselves First - A Path Leading to Love?

While the plane taxied out of the gate at Toronto Pearson Airport the other morning, on the small screen in front of me, they were showing an ad which showed a sullen child who was pouting no matter what toy was shown to her. After several attempts to encourage the child to smile, the parent had nearly given up when the girl looked up at a passing sales cart and saw a soft toy which brought about a change in the child’s demeanour.

The father immediately bought the toy, presented it to his daughter, and was rewarded with a smile and a joyful hug. The point of the ad was obviously to sell the toy to the watching audience.

However, I felt that there was also an underlying message that this child should be placated, no matter what. No way should this child be allowed to be unhappy. After all attempts to improve her demeanour failed, the pouting only stopped when she got what she wanted. The father jumped through all the hoops he could in order to please his daughter. It was a supreme example about putting others first, no matter what the cost.

In life, we often find ourselves putting others first – and there are occasions when this serves everyone involved. In fact, many philosophies and belief systems subscribe to this ideal. The word, ‘love’, is often defined as the action of putting others before ourselves. However, if we establish a pattern of living our lives for others – we may realize that we have fallen into the trap of being ‘people pleasers’. If this continues, we may be sacrificing our own joy and may even begin to feel a little resentful.

Minutes later, while nearing the runway for take-off, they were running through the emergency procedures and something caught my attention. When it came to the part where we were told that there may be a drop in cabin pressure, it was explained that masks would drop down to supply oxygen for each passenger. If you had a young child with you, it was imperative to put the mask on yourself first and then only after you had done this, should you put the mask on your child.

I remember the very first time I saw this, it struck me as odd that the parent would serve themselves first, before securing the mask on their child. Shouldn’t it be the other way round? Upon quick reflection, I realized that, if the parent became incapacitated in any way, due to the sudden lack of oxygen, then she would be in no position to help the child. Very quickly, it became obvious to me that, by putting herself first, the child’s safety and well-being was more likely to be secured.

It may seem incongruous to say that by tending to our own happiness, we are ultimately going to be more effective in what we have to offer others. Being ‘selfish’ enough to ensure that our own inner alignment is in place may be the most loving thing we can do for others.

The founder of Christianity is portrayed as teaching people to ‘Seek first the Kingdom of God, and then all these other things shall be added unto you.’ Elsewhere, he exclaimed that, ‘The Kingdom of God is within you’.

The Buddha also taught that, ‘The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart’; and elsewhere, ‘Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.’

It would seem that these seekers of wisdom had come to know that, unless we are in a good-feeling place ourselves, we will have very little to offer anyone around us. Inner Alignment is the most important thing we need to achieve in order to be in the vicinity of unconditional love which will overflow into the hearts of others.

Once we come to understand that we have not come into this life experience to be people pleasers or to feather the nest for others, no matter how close we may be to them, we will be free to seek first the inner peace and calm tranquility that can become the stepping off place for real change and loving transformation of those around us. When others witness our inner alignment, we are then in a position to influence them to their own alignment from which their peace and joy will flow.

Maybe we should have the courage to be a little more ‘selfish’, so that the world may become a happier, more peaceful place.